Berger, S. K. (2008). The Developing Person: Through the Life Span. New York, NY: Worth Publisher.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Parenting Styles
According to Berger (2008), there are three different types of parenting styles. The first one being authoritarian, which is when the parent lays down the "law" and there is no negotiating the rules. This is found to be your really strict parents. The second parenting style is permissive, which is when the parent acts more like your friend. The third parenting style is much like how I grew up, an authoritative parenting style is when the parents listen to their children, but still have rules and limits set. My parents had to set limits and rules when they had five children to raise; however, they always listened to us and let us explain ourselves. My parents were very forgiving when we may not have done something to the exact way they wanted us to. Instead they would take what we did wrong and turn it into a lesson for us to learn from. I appreciate this parenting style because I look up to my parents with respect, and I do not resent them for the way we were raised. Now that I am in college I have a very good relationship with my parents still to this day, and I like to think it is because of the way they raised me. If I need advice on something important it is often them who I call because I know they will listen to me without judging me and tell me what the right thing to do is. They really have made me into who I am today and I hope to do the same for my children one day.
Dec 31 Oedpius Complex
A section in Chapter 10 that I found very interesting and strange at the same time was on Freud's theory that boys secretly want to kill their fathers and marry their mothers. Freud said that these unconscious feelings start during the phallic stage, from ages three to six. The phallic stage is Freud's third stage of development, when the penis becomes the focus of concern and pleasure. Boys at this age, from about three to four years, start maturing and become aware of their sexual organs. They also start to develop their unconscious sexual desires for their mother. Freud called this desire for their mothers the Oedipus Complex. Freud gave it its name after a story in Greek mythology. In the story a son of a Greek god grows up away from his parents in another kingdom. When the son returns he kills his father and marries his mother, unaware of who they actually are. When the son finds out what he did, the son becomes overwhelmed with guilt and shame. Freud says that all boys feels this way about their parents, love and hate and the same time. In an attempt to cover up their feelings Freud says that boys develop the superego. The superego is the judgmental part of the personality that internalizes moral standards of the parents. Freud also says that when boys are drawn to playing with guns, have a fascination for superheroes, and playing 'good guys vs. bad guys' this is an unconscious attempt to cover up their true feelings. They fear that if their father finds out with they really think, they will be punishment. This idea sounds kind of crazy to me. Of course it is difficult to say what someone this thinking unconsciously, but I can say that I notice that young boys are more loving toward their mothers, and young girls are more loving toward their fathers.
Punishment dec 31
One issue our text addresses is discipline and punishment; when it is effective? Children are obviously still learning right and wrong in their new world and cannot be expected to know all the rules. Caregivers ideally see that their child is about to misbehave and prevents the misdeed, explaining the situation to the child, before anything even happens. A common type of punishment is physical; it stops a child for a moment but probably does not leave a lasting impression. During the play years children learn about their actions and the consequences, a step to thinking logically about life. After reading the "Planning Punishment" case study on page 267, I started to research the methods to make punishments effective and thus fulfill the goal; internalizing standards.
A punishment should be administered during or immediately after the misdeed, to let the child know for what action they are being disciplined. Punishments should begin at a relatively intense level, rather than starting out mildly and increasing intensity for subsequent misbehaviors. A care-giver and child need to have a good relationship for discipline to work, if the only contact is punishment a child will seek that over behaving. No misdeed should go unpunished, meaning that every time a child misbehaves, discipline is necessary. A care-giver must always have a simple rationale for the child, otherwise they won't know why they are being punished. Lastly a parent should let the child know the alternatives to bad behavior.
Many parents make the mistake of punishing with no explanation. A child can never amend their behavior if they don't know what they did wrong, why its wrong, and an alternative action to their misdeed.
Parent Punishments
I liked the way chapter 10 really broke down how parenting can completely help or hurt a child. I think in my personal experience my parents had good mixes of both authoritarian and permissive parenting. I remember learning a lot when I was younger through trials and experience I have had and I can relate to almost all factors in chapter ten. I can think of certain examples of how culture variations, discipline and punishment have somehow helped me to develop as a person. I can remember how punishment in my family was never one dimensional. The4re were different types and levels all depending on the crime committed. My parents were very different and they way they worked together gave me such good balance in I act and have developed. In reading the book mentioned something about how children who at a young age are beaten, or spanked so to speak have tendencies to grow up to be bullies. I was spanked at a young age and do not think I was a bully at all whatsoever. It also states that children that get spanked are likely to become abusive adults. There is the fact that I am only 21 but I do not think that I am abusive at all.
I really enjoyed reading chapter 9. Learning about child development between the ages of 2 and 6 cause me to reflect on my childhood experiences. After my parents divorced when I was two, my father soon remarried when I was four. Instead of only having one older brother and sister, I now had two older brothers, two older sisters, and a younger brother. As a child, I was thrilled because I now had more opportunities to play with siblings. On page 239 of Baker's text, she explains that two key contextual influences include language and siblings. Especially when the siblings you have are older. I wondered if my siblings have contributed to my cognitive development? One thing I'm sure of, playing sports with older siblings helped develop hand-eye coordination. Their scaffolding and guided participation was used without me even knowing. I'm enjoying reading Baker's text, and will continue to relate her text to my personal growth and development.
Dec 31 Parenting Styles
Chapter 10 touched upon a variety of topics but the one I found most interesting was Diana Baumrind’s different parenting styles. Parenting styles vary by culture, race, ethnicity, gender, religion, and several other factors. Baumrind found that parents differed in the way they raised their children on some different conditions: Expressions of warmth, strategies for discipline, communication, and expectations for maturity (Berger, 264, 2008). She also describes three different patterns of parenting: authoritarian parenting, permissive parenting, and authoritative parenting (Berger, 264, 2008). Authoritarian parenting is strict punishment, sometimes abusive, and not very much communication between child and adults. With permissive parenting there is a lot of nurturing but little discipline. Lastly, authoritative parenting is when the parents have boundaries but are also flexible with their children. Growing up I think I had a pretty good balance between permissive and authoritative parenting. I had a good relationship with my mom. It was a good balance between friendship and parents, knowing when to be a parent and when to be a friend. I think that this is something that all parents should keep in mind.
Dec 31 Sociocultural Theory of Gender Development
The sociocultural theory had interesting ideas about gender identity formation. I think it is true that young children are encouraged to adopt culturally-accepted gender roles. For example, starting even before children are born, parents often buy blue-themed clothes and room decorations if they are expecting boys and pink ones for girls. This continues into early and middle childhood with the types of clothing children wear, toys they play with, and accepted behavior. For example, people tolerate more active personalities in boys and write it off with the saying “boys will be boys.” However, I don't think the cultural influence of assigning gender roles is as clear-cut as it appears. For example, my nana tried her hardest to get me to enjoy playing with dolls. She bought me everything from collector's dolls to Barbies to American Girl dolls, and I didn't like playing with any of them. I preferred playing with plastic dinosaurs and my brother's Legos. The toys I liked playing with would probably be classified as androgynous. Even so, the way I played with them was more feminine than the way my brother played with them. When we played with Legos together, he would build tanks, guns and spaceships, and I would build houses and “lands” for Lego people to live in. Then he would use his tanks, etc to blow up my Lego land. At the time it was upsetting, but looking back at it makes me laugh. Even when I was playing with androgynous toys, I played with them in a more feminine way (nurturing the Lego people and making sure they had good houses, food, and pets). This makes me wonder if a truly androgynous balance can be achieved when other genetic, behavioral, and cognitive gender development also play a part. And if it could be achieved, would it be a good thing? Or would that person feel like an outcast in a society that embraces gender-roles?
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